It should have been a simple task. Just go to the drugstore and buy a razor. Not even one of those highly complex computerized electric razors you need an advanced degree in electrical engineering to operate, just a plain old manual model with which I could joyfully hack away at my face. It was not to be.
Now, I’m a simple
guy. I try to abide by the aptly named ‘Occam’s razor’ principle of science,
which basically says that the simpler things are, the better. Now I find myself
wondering just how many blades Occam’s razor had.
I don’t know if
you’ve noticed, but the evolution of manual razors seems to be roughly
following the same path as home stereo equipment. In the fifties, you had a
razor with just one blade, just as you had a transistor radio with that one
tinny-sounding speaker. Then came the invention of stereo, and the two bladed
razors was born. Two speakers and a subwoofer, three blades. Quadrophonic
sound, four blades. Now we are up to Dolby 5.1 surround sound and a razor with
an incredible five blades on one side and one on the other. That’s right, there
are now so many blades on your razor that they can’t even fit them all on the
same side.
Where will it end?
Is there a theoretical limit on the number of blades one razor can support? I,
for one, believe that we are very close to the blade event horizon. Critical
mass has almost been reached. It used to be that I would occasionally give
myself a slight nick while shaving. One false move now and I’ll be getting tips
from Michael Jackson on which nose to buy.
Perhaps the razor
companies just don’t understand the concept. Maybe someone needs to tell them
that we are just trying to take the hair off of our faces, not make julienne
potatoes for a society luncheon while we shower. It’s only a matter of time
before someone comes out with a razor that has one blade for every hair
follicle on your face, so you can shave with just one stroke and then spend the
rest of the morning trying to find your lips.
No more, I say.
It’s time to release myself from the tyranny of blades. This morning I gave
myself a clean, comfortable shave without using any blades at all.
Now I just need a
new string for my gardener’s weed whacker.
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